Character and Virtue – Creating a Positive Identity
in Children Positive psychology is a new an exciting field that
offers a great deal of insight and proof as to what can help adults,
parents, children, educators and families. I like to think of positive
psychology as a Zero To Positive science. In contrast, clinical
psychology is a Zero To Negative science. Clinicians are more focused on
symptom elimination and reduction. This focus is sometimes referred to
as a negative psychology in which the outcome, at best, is Zero (i.e. No
Symptoms). That is after all what health insurance pays for. We go to
the doctor to get well, not healthy. Health insurance does not pay for
psychologists to build character strengths and virtues that can protect
children from depression, anxiety and other forms of peer, family,
school and social stress. There is now a great deal of evidence to support what
has been referred to as the Six Pillars of Virtue. Two psychologists,
Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson, published a book based on a
comprehensive examination of nearly two thousand years of literature on
various subjects such as religion and philosophy. The six virtues are
Wisdom and Knowledge, Courage, Humanity, Justice, Temperance and
Transcendence. Each of these virtues as based on a number of strengths.
These define what is right, best and valuable in all people. A book by
Martin Seligman entitled “Authentic Happiness” is a wonderful resource
for people who want to live a happier, rewarding and meaningful life. There is a very powerful and important way that we can
use this knowledge of character strengths and virtues to help our self
and others. One of the most valuable things I have ever done was to
memorize the Six Pillar and their strengths. My life changed
dramatically as I began to see strength and virtue all around me.
Instead of being focused on weakness and dysfunction, I began to see
that we all have strength and virtue. Even more exciting was my
discovery that recognizing and express my top strengths leads to greater
happiness and success in y life. The problem, as I see it, with society today is that
our children have strengths and virtues but instead of expressing this,
they try to be what other children and even adults value, reward and
want from people. I have great example. An adolescent was referred to me
who was depressed and did not want to go to school. Instead of
encouraging him to think positively and change his views, I gave him a
strength and virtue questionnaire. I also asked him to tell me a story
about a time when he was happy. From this I discovered that his top five
strengths were Forgiveness, Kindness, Modesty, Playfulness and
Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence. Now these are not very popular or
cool qualities in high school. So the challenge for this child was to
embrace his strength and virtues rather than try to be something he was
not. Trying to be something you are not generally does not lead to
greater happiness and success in our life. It can lead to rewards and
pleasure, but these are often not lasting and can become addictive.
People who seek pleasure and reward usually need more and more and can
become desperate for attention and approval. One final suggestion. Watch your children. Watch you
self and friends. Ask yourself, “What is the strength and virtue I see
in this person. Take your time. Think about them. Remember something
they did and what you discovered about them. When the time right, tell
them a story about something they did and the strength that you saw in
them. A list of strengths are provided below. People don’t always
respond well to complements like “You’re smart”, “You are creative”,
“You are a good person.” This sets an expectation and they often don’t
believe you. So many compliments are shallow. The greatest compliment you can give someone is to
make an effort to remember them, describe something right and good that
you saw them doing, and finally, tell them what that says about them.
You need to create a picture so they can see why you see something good
and right about them. My number one strength is Perspective. So
naturally, I love to write and help people see what is best, right and
good about them. I hope this perspective, and my example, has helped
you.
Virtues and Strengths
Wisdom and knowledge
- Mental strengths that entail the
acquisition and use of knowledge
Courage - Emotional
strengths that involve the exercise of will to accomplish goals in the
face of internal or external opposition
Humanity -
Interpersonal strengths that involve “tending and befriending” others
Justice - Civic
strengths that underlie healthy community life
Temperance -
Strengths that protect against excess
Transcendence -
Strengths that forge connections to the larger universe and provide
meaning
Dr. Conner is a psychologist who completed a research and training fellowship in graduate medical education and health education. He provides training, evaluation and intervention services for adults, families and youth. Dr. Conner's practice includes clinical, medical and family psychology. He is a Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress, Emergency Crisis Intervention, and Emergency School Response. This article is also available at www.CrisisCounseling.Com. Dr. Conner’s practice is located in Bend Oregon and he can be reached at 541 388-5660 |